Living Through the Ghost
by wandering-free
Summary: eclare/some jatie-Takes place after the summer season finale. Things between Clare and Eli are going good, maybe too good. Eli is faced with a choice and the decision may alter both Clare, himself, and their relationship forever? I don't have this finished so I m making it up as I go! Title is a song from a Shinedown song, a must listen! Kind of fits the story
1. Chapter 1

There was nothing more beautiful than her, Eli thought as he watched his girlfriend Clare reading a textbook in the library. As she tapped a pen in her hand on the desk Eli leaned against the door and sighed content. As a student passed him leaving the library Eli decided it was time to stop starring and actually make his way to her at the table. As he came up behind Clare he kissed her cheek and she jumped and smiled when she realized it was her boyfriend.

"Well if isn't my famous director boyfriend," she said with a smile as he took a seat across from her.

Eli adjusted his collar jokingly proud, "well you know, behind every great man there is an even better woman," he said with a grin.

"Wow, that was beyond cheesy. However, true." Clare admitted at first rolling her eyes.

"So, I was thinking…tonight my mom and Glen are at the cottage and are staying there for the weekend. I guess they are renovating it or something, anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner and maybe watch one of those black and white movies we love so much," she said with a cute smile; One that Eli could never deny.

"What about Jake?" Eli asked realizing that they could be interrupted at any moment by her step-brother/ex-boyfriend. As much as him and Jake had become friends over the last bit, it was still a weird subject for both men.

"He is out with Katie tonight and might not be home until….later," she replied

"Well, I will bring dessert," he said leaning in to give her a quick kiss

Just as they were about to deepen the kiss, someone interrupted them by clearing their throat loudly.

Eli and Clare pulled a part and looked at Katie who was beside the table watching them, "sorry, to interrupt this moment but, I m going to need to borrow your girlfriend for a moment," Katie said pulling Clare from her chair.

"Ok, just bring her back in one piece," he said as Clare was being dragged out of the library by a determined Katie. Eli watched and smiled, thankful it wasn't him Katie was looking to speak with.

Katie dragged Clare into the hallway and stopped suddenly and crossed her arms in front of her.

"Ok, I am only going to ask you this once is Jake cheating on me?" Katie asked quickly

"What? Wait a second I thought you two were going out tonight," Clare replied confused

"We are, he said he wanted to talk to me about something and in my dating history that usually means 'I am in love with someone else,'" Katie stated her voice calming down

"Katie, Jake is a lot of things but he is NOT a cheater and he is crazy about you. It's probably something else and your just overreacting," Clare explained trying to comfort her friend

"Oh great I m turning into you," Katie said kidding and nudging Clare.

The two girls smiled at each other and walked down the hallway.

Eli still sat at the library table reading a graphic novel when Jake walked into the library and spotted him. Jake walked towards the table and took Clare's now empty seat, "hey, Eli you have a moment…" Jake began.

Eli was still reading and raised his finger indicating he was in the middle of something. After finishing the sentence he was reading Eli looked up and smiled, "how may I help you?"

"How do I ask Katie to prom?" Jake asked nervously

"Well, you look at her and say 'Katie will you go to prom with me?' that usually gets the message across," Eli replied sarcastically

"Oh you are so funny, I mean…like the setting, the mood, the date…what did you do for Clare?" Jake asked

Eli demeanor changed and he stood up from the table and took his book back to the rack behind Jake. Jake stood up and followed Eli, "I haven't asked Clare to prom yet" he confessed.

"What? Really? I thought you would have asked her like when you guys got back together or something," Jake stated surprised by this information.

Eli looked at the books on the rack for a moment, and then turned around to face Jake, "that sounds like me but at first I didn't because I didn't want to push anything Now I just…prom means the end of the year which, means leaving to go to NYU is a big possibility…leaving her seems just too real when I think about prom." He admitted

"Wow…that's…that has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard," Jake said at first mockingly sympathetic

Eli rolled his eyes, " Eli, you and Clare have this eternal love, sickening thing going on and I am pretty sure it can survive something like graduation and university. Besides prom is about more than just the end of the year it's the celebration of the year and you two have been through a lot together and apart you guys deserve prom," Jake advised

Eli nodded, silently admitting what Jake was saying was right.

"Wow…I just gave romance advice to you. To think I came here looking for some advice, this is creeping me out," Jake stated confused and walking away

Eli half smiled watching Jake leave the library and thinking about what he had said.

Clare and Katie sat in front of Katie's locker studying in silence, Katie looked up and at Clare for a moment. When Clare felt her eyes on her she looked up and over at Katie who turned her head back to her textbook quickly. Clare looked at Katie confused for a moment but shrugged it off and went back to studying. Katie looked over at Clare again and cleared her throat, Clare shot her head back up and looked at Katie, "something I can help you with?" Clare asked a bit irritated at Katie's game.

"Well…I was just thinking about the fact that if Jake and I are going to be out tonight and your mom is going to be out…does this mean you and Eli are going to be in the house, together...all alllooooonnnneee," Katie said slowly connecting the pieces

"How long did it take you to put that together?" Clare asked closing her textbook and setting it aside.

"Not too long, I actually been thinking about it awhile and was waiting for you to bring it up but that wasn't happening so…I had to pull it out of you some way," Katie replied a bit proud of her self

"Nothing may happen, Eli's just coming over for dinner and we are going to watch a movie…perhaps there will be cuddling," Clare stated

Katie rolled her eyes, "please…save me the PG rated version," she said with a knowing nudge to Clare

Clare smiled and got red in the cheeks, "I don't know…I mean I think I am ready and I just don't know how to make the first move. Or should I make the first move and then what if I make the first move and he's not interested or not ready and I completely have read way too much into our relationship and it ruins everything," Clare rambled nervously

"Clare dial it back a bit," Katie said calming her friend down

"First of all, Eli is crazy about you…it's actually kind of sickening and second he's a guy so sex is on his brain at least 110 percent of the time so he's ready. Lastly, you don't have to do anything to make the first move, it's all about what you wear…or lack there of. No words needed," Katie advised

"It's scary to me how much you know about this stuff…I feel like I m talking to Ali," Clare stated deadpan

Katie laughed, "come with me, we have fourth period shopping to do," she said standing up and taking Clare's arm.

That evening

"Clare, I m heading to pick Katie up," Jake called coming down the stairs

"Shit!" Clare yelled from the kitchen

"Well, you don't have to make all that fuss about it, I am returning," he joked walking into the kitchen and seeing Clare flustered over a burnt lasagna,"

"I suck!" she cried throwing the oven mitt on the counter defeated

"It's not that bad-looking," Jake commented trying to make her feel better

"Really, would you eat it?" she asked crossing her arms

Jake picked up a fork and poked at it and cringed, "ya, no sorry…I wouldn't," he stated shaking his head

"I have seen you eat off the floor and you wouldn't even eat my cooking," she stated picking up the lasagna and walking towards the garbage

"Hey, that was one time and the ten second rule was in total effect," Jake yelled after Clare.

"I m going to need that pizza money my mom left on the table," Clare said walking towards Jake

Jake rolled his eyes and took out his wallet, "I thought that went unnoticed," Jake replied handing her the 20-dollar bill.

Clare smiled and turned on her heel walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Jake stood in the kitchen for a moment and leaned against the counter. His eyes landed on a small bag on the dinning table.

He walked over to the table and peaked in the bag and pulled out a black lace negligée and looked at it shocked at the meaning of Clare having the item. As she heard come back down the stairs he shoved the negligée back in the shopping bag and moved away. Clare walked towards the bag and looked over at Jake who was watching her a bit shocked and concerned, "is something wrong?" she asked noticing his weird behavior.

Jake crossed his arms across his chest and shook his head no. Clare nodded and took the bag upstairs with her.

Jake watched her go back up the stairs; it wasn't that he didn't see this coming. Jake knew that Clare and Eli would eventually take that step; he was just surprised that it was going to be that night. He wanted to march upstairs and tell Clare she was making a horrible mistake and that she's not ready for sex. Perhaps if he was a better big stepbrother he would have but he knew Clare and knew she wouldn't be doing this if she weren't ready. Also, despite his initial impression of Eli, Jake had grown to respect his judgment and love for Clare. However, that didn't mean that if Eli hurt Clare in anyway Jake wouldn't whip his ass. But, for now Jake decided to let what was going to happen, happen…no matter how icky it made him feel.

Clare looked in her hallway mirror one last time and adjusted her red dress; her hair was lightly curled and hung below her shoulders. Eli walked into Clare's house, "Clare the door was open," he called.

He placed his jacket on the back of one the kitchen table chairs as Clare walked down the stairs. Eli turned around as she got to the last step and his breath caught in his throat at the sight of her.

"You look really…umm…beautiful," he stumbled out

Clare smiled shyly as she put her hands around his neck, "thank-you," she hushed out as the two kissed sweetly.

Jake adjusted his jacket nervously and cleared his throat. Katie stared at him from across the table at Little Mrs. Steaks, "why are you dressed like that?" she asked confused by his formal wear.

"I wanted to look good for our date and I must say it would have been nice of you to notice," Jake said a little hurt

Katie giggled, "who are you?" she asked

"You know I thought you were going to break up with me," Katie admitted

"What, why?" Jake asked taking her hand

"You said you wanted to talk…so I may have had a Clare moment and overreacted," she replied

"Hangout with her enough that will happen to you," Jake smiled

"I m not breaking up with you, Katie…I actually wanted to ask you…" Jake started nerves taking over he fidgeted in his seat.

"If you would go to prom with me," he whispered under his breath

Katie couldn't hear him leaned her head in, "what?" she asked

"Would you go to prom with me," he whispered again playing with the placemat in front of him.

"Jake, I can't make out what you said," Katie urged

"WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME?" Jake yelled a little too loud

Everyone in the restaurant turned and stared at them and Katie giggled.

Clare and Eli sat at the kitchen table eating pizza.

Eli threw the crust in the box and leaned back full.

Clare watched him and sighed, "sorry, it's not gourmet…I don't think I am the cooking type," she admitted sadly

"Maybe, but you sure know how to order a great pizza," Eli smiled rubbing her cheek.

"This is nice, just us…together, alone," Clare said with a smile

"I know, it's almost like a date," Eli said sarcastically

Clare rolled her eyes, "you know what I mean," she stated

"ya, I know," Eli smiled

Eli stood up and walked over to Clare he put his hand out to her and she took it and stood up. Eli walked further in to her living room and brought her closer to him, Clare placed her hands around his neck and smiled, "you know there's no music," she stated as the two started to slow dance.

"Ya, I know…but, we don't need any," Eli said kissing her forehead

She smiled as they continued to dance in place, "this is nice," she said breaking the silence.

"maybe we could stay this way forever," she added

Eli stopped when she said that and Clare looked at him confused, "did I say something wrong?" she asked noticing the change in his mood

Eli was silent for a moment and looked back at her and smiled, "no, everything's perfect," he replied taking her in his arms and kissing her passionately

As things began to heat up between the two, Clare pushed away slowly. Clare looked at him deep in his eyes for a moment and in that moment she knew, "Let's go upstairs," she stated simply. Eli looked at her for a moment and leaned in to kiss her again, realizing what she was trying to say.

As they pulled apart she took his hand and led him upstairs.


	2. Chapter 2 & Chapter 3

Part 2

Eli sat on Clare's bed while she was in the bathroom, 'washing her hands,' she had said.

Eli looked around the room and walked over to her stuffed bear she had sitting on her desk he smiled down at it, imagining a small Clare dragging it around.

Clare walked in to her room shaking with nerves, her mind raced with what Eli would think of her in something as sexy as what she had on…'what if he thought she was trying too hard?' 'What if he thought she wasn't pretty enough for the outfit?' 'What if it turned him off?' before another thought could race across her mind Eli turned around.

His heart dropped, never had he seen something as gorgeous as Clare in that moment. Eli knew this wasn't a typical Clare outfit, but that she felt comfortable enough to wear it for only him made his heart skip a beat and his hands become sweaty.

When Clare saw that Eli wasn't running out of the room she made her way further into the bedroom towards him.

Eli walked towards her, his mind was all but blank as he came closer to her.

The two didn't utter a word at all as they met in the middle of the room.

Their eyes locked and they leaned in and kissed softly at first but the kiss soon turned deeper and built-in intensity.

He led her to the bed and laid her down gently. Eli pulled away for a moment and stared down at Clare, silently asking if she was sure about what was about to happen. She didn't say anything but answered him with a longing kiss.

Clare and Eli laid cuddled under the covers, his arm draped around her and her head and hand laid softly on his chest.

"So, I guess now will be the time to ask you to prom," Eli joked breaking the content silence that hung in the room.

Clare giggled, "I suppose I can go with you," she replied back

Eli caressed her hand softly and thought for a moment, "Clare, promise me something," he began

"ya," she said softly

"that no matter what, you won't forget this moment. That whatever happens you remember how much I love you now," he stated seriously

Clare stayed silent for a moment, re-playing his words, "of course," she stated lifting her head to look him in the eyes.

She leaned in closer and the two kissed and rolled over making love a second time.

The Next Morning

Clare stirred awake as the sun hit her face through her window. She rolled over to find the bed empty beside her. Clare sat up and looked around the room a frown falling on her face, wondering where Eli had gone. Then her eyes landed on small piece of paper on the pillow where his head once laid.

She picked it up and read it carefully a smile falling on her face as she did so,

_Clare,_

_Didn't want to wake you as you looked peaceful. Also, didn't want to run in to Jake this morning…that would have been awkward._

_See you at school,_

_Love Always_

Eli

It was straight and to the point and that was one thing Clare loved about Eli, he could make her heart skip a beat with the simplest of words.

Clare squealed and fell back in to her bed.

Eli walked in to the school and looked around the room spotting Clare talking with writers from the News Paper and he walked over and leaned against the nearby lockers watching her talk business. She caught his eye and smiled as she continued to go over the next story which made his smile grow.

When the group had left Clare walked over to Eli and the two began to kiss in the hallway.

"Whoa, PDA much," Adam called walking towards the couple.

The couple separated and looked over at Adam, "hey," Clare began embarrassed for being watched making out in the hallway.

"Hey, yourselves…seems like things are going well here," Adam concluded

Eli pulled Clare closer to his side and smiled at Adam, "what can we do for you, Adam?" he asked

Adam shook his head, smiled and walked past them.

Clare and Eli giggled about being caught, "that was awkward," she admitted

"Oh, let people stare they're just jealous," Eli replied kissing her again

As they pulled away Clare noticed the College/University poster behind them that read, 'Apply for your FUTURE Today!' and it reminded her of Eli graduating and NYU.

"Have you heard at all from NYU? I know acceptance letters were going out today. Glen is still hoping that Jake will go to a Community College of some kind," she asked with a proud smile

"No, not yet. I know because Bullfrog keeps running to the mailbox every time he sees the mailman…kind of like an actual dog," Eli joked

"Well, I am sure you got in," she replied

Eli face turned nervous for a moment, he didn't like talking about NYU and leaving Clare, "ya, hey do you want to get out of here…my house is empty and I owe you a morning after," he said changing the subject

"That sounds nice, but we have first period to attend and I don't think skipping class will look good for you where NYU is concerned," she smiled and kissed him on the lips and turned to go to her locker

Eli watched as she left and concern fell on his face, as he contemplated NYU and what that would mean for him and Clare.

"Guess what? Guess what?" Katie exclaimed running towards Clare at her locker

Clare giggled as Katie almost fell when she slid in to Clare, "You've been drinking?"

"Jake asked me to prom last night," Katie stated with a smile ignoring Clare's sarcasm.

"And you were all worried that he was breaking up with you," Clare stated reminding Katie of her earlier freak out.

"I know, I know, you were right…blah, blah," Katie mocked

"By the way, how was your overnight date?" Katie asked reminded of Clare's big night

"It was special and that's all I am going to say," she replied closing her locker and beginning to walk to her first class

"I get no details…not even a little one!" Katie exclaimed almost running to catch up with Clare.

Eli sat in his Career & College class listening to Mr. Roberts explain the importance of education.

"In less then 2 months you will all, well most of you, will no longer be high school students you will be considered adults in the world of education. This is a gift that should not be taken lightly. So forget high school drama, romances, break-ups, personal issues College and Universities don't care about them and if you want to succeed in this new phase of your life setting priorities is a must," Eli's teacher explained fully as he walked around the room

Just then the bell indicating the end of first period rang and the class began collecting their books and walking towards the door, "with that I will remind you all your, Career profiles are due next week…Mr. Goldsworthy, please stick around," his teacher called before Eli could make it out the door

"Eli, I heard you have applied to NYU," Mr. Roberts began sitting in his desk.

Eli nodded, "ya, I am still waiting to hear from them though,"

"I am sure you will hear something soon. In the mean time I have taken it upon myself to set up a meeting for tomorrow with Laura Elliot an art major from NYU. She's my niece and honour student so you will be wise to set a good impression. Anyway, ask her questions about the school and what you're portfolio should look like by the end of the program. I don't do this for just any student so don't make me regret it," Mr. Rogers concluded looking up at Eli seriously.

Eli nodded and took the contact paper from his teacher and left room.

Clare sat at the lunch table in the cafeteria and picked at her lunch while, waiting for Eli.

"Hey," he said giving her a quick peck and sitting across from her, "hey, yourself. How was Career class?" she asked

"Oh, lots of laughs. I have to meet some girl from NYU tomorrow morning," he replied a bit uninterested

"Eli, that's great! You'll be able to find out what the school is like from someone who actually knows. It is a great opportunity," she commented

"I suppose," he stated uninterested in the subject of NYU

"You act like you're not interested in going to New York anymore," she stated noticing his change in attitude

"It's not that I don't want to go…I just, what if I m not ready for New York?" he asked looking down

"What do you mean?" Clare asked concerned

"Just that New York may not be for me that's all. I can go to Toronto University for English or something…why is everyone pushing New York on me," Eli stated becoming annoyed

"Eli, you love New York- that's all you have talked about since the beginning of the year. It's your dream to take art in New York, but no one is pushing you and if you no longer want to go that's your call," she replied

Eli thought for a moment then placed his hand on hers across the table, "you're right, I m sorry…just stress you know," Eli said honestly

"I know and it's ok, I just want you to be happy," she said giving him a sweet smile

He smiled at her and nodded.

"Anyway, Katie and I are going dress shopping for prom after school and I need to know what color do you think I should go with black or dark blue…." Clare trailed off and Eli's mind wandered as she continued to speak.

He thought about New York, if he could make it out there and if it was really his calling.

"Eli? Eli? What do you think?" Clare repeated getting his attention

Eli snapped back to the present, "I…think, you would look good in anything," he replied with a smile his mind still somewhere else.

Clare smiled his response and continued to talk to Eli as his mind raced elsewhere.

Part 3

Eli laid awake in his bed staring at the ceiling telling himself he should be getting up and getting ready for his morning meeting with the NYU student. As he sat up there was a knock at his door, "come in."

Bullfrog came in to his sons room, "hey bud, we were worried you weren't planning on getting up today," his dad said

"I m up," Eli said simply

"Are you ready for this meeting today?" Bullfrog asked taking a seat on Eli's bed as Eli began to get ready for school.

"I guess," he replied

"Do you know what you are going to ask?" Bullfrog continued interested in his son's appointment

Eli shrugged.

"Well it doesn't seem like you are too ready," Bullfrog declared

Eli turned around, "maybe I m not!" he exclaimed becoming angry

"Eli, calm down!" Bullfrog suggested loudly standing up and walking towards his son

"No, I m fine…everyone needs to stop talking about NYU and leaving…and let me be," Eli continued angrily

"Eli? What's going on?" Bullfrog asked knowing something off with his only son.

Eli knew he couldn't lie to Bullfrog and getting angry and yelling would just make things worse. Eli sighed and walked over to his bed slumping down on the mattress,

"I have wanted to go to New York more than I have ever wanted anything in this world and then there's…her," he confessed

Bullfrog nodded and sat beside him on his bed, "ya…Clare huh, you know there is no reason you can't have both New York and Clare," his father reminded him hoping it would make Eli feel better.

"Come on, long distance relationship? Despite what Clare thinks I know it won't work…if I m there all I will think about is being here with her and I know if I stay here I will always wonder what I missed out on. This sucks!" he proclaimed

"Eli, you and Clare are strong maybe you can work something out or…I don't know, decide to take a break or something," Bullfrog stated not knowing what advice would help now.

"It's just after everything that's happened between us and…the to break her heart…it would just kill me," he said sadly

Eli and Bullfrog sat on his bed for a bit and then Bullfrog slowly pulled an envelope from his pocket, looked at it and passed it to Eli, "this may have your answer…it came in the mail yesterday but, you weren't home..." Bullfrog explained

Eli just looked at the package in his hand and realized how much that one piece of paper could alter everything and he didn't know if he was prepared for any of it. Because it wouldn't just be her heart that could break, but his as well


	3. Chapter 4

Part 4

Clare knocked on Eli's bedroom door and Eli turned around from where he sat at his desk and half smiled at her. He stood up as she walked and through her arms around his neck and greeted him with a soft kiss and a smile that stretched from ear to ear.

"I didn't see you today at school, so I figured you're meeting with that girl from NYU went on longer then you had expected. How was it by the way? Did she answer all your questions?" Clare asked sweetly

Eli's facial expression changed to one of a serious nature, "I didn't go to that meeting?" he confirmed slowly

"What…why?" Clare asked confused

"I have been making arrangements," he continued

"I m confused what type of arrangements?" Clare asked nervously smiling

"I got my acceptance letter from NYU this morning…" Eli said moving away from Clare and walking towards his dresser and leaning back on it.

"You got in that's great!" Clare interrupted thinking he was finished.

"Ya, but….umm…I m moving to New York earlier then expected," he state his voice filled with nerves and sadness

"Like after graduation…early?" Clare asked becoming nervous about where this conversation was heading.

"More like, tomorrow night…early," Eli stated seriously

Clare laughed nervously, "oh you mean you are going for the weekend and looking around at apartments type of thing and then you will be back right?" Clare said clearing her throat hoping she was right.

"I m going to New York to stay. I am going to finish my last year by correspondence and in September I will be going to NYU," Eli replied trying to not look her in the eyes

Clare's eyes filled with tears as he told her his plans. She didn't know what to say and a big part of her was hoping this was all a nightmare. That maybe she had fallen asleep in class and this is was just a dream.

"Why…I don't understand…" she stammered

Eli walked a bit closer, "I need to start my life in New York and the longer I am here, with you…the more I m not going to want to leave," he tried to explain

"But, just because you are going to New York it doesn't mean we still can't be together, right?" Clare pushed wiping at her tears

"Clare, you know I love you more than anything in this world and you have no idea how hard this has been for me. I just can't be there and have my heart still here and I can't stay here when I know my dreams are in New York. If I am going to do this, if this is what I want to do in my life I need to be all in." He continued trying to make her understand

"So I m in the way…I don't fit in to your future…I don't understand…I mean I thought we, were in all in together," she cried not believing what was happening.

Eli walked even closer tears present in his eyes, "Clare, I just can't do both it wouldn't be fair to you to have a boyfriend not really there for you," he stated

Clare stepped back and looked at him not sure who he was anymore, "so you are breaking up with me and leaving to go to New York indefinitely for my own good?" she stated angry tears spilling from her blue eyes.

Eli went to hold her and she smacked his arms away, "DON'T TOUCH ME! I gave you everything and you never really loved me did you?" she cried

"Clare you know that's not true!" he exclaimed

"I don't know anything anymore," she hushed out as she walked out of his room leaving Eli standing there knowing he just broke the heart of the one person he never wanted to hurt, ever. Was it the right thing? Only time would tell.


	4. Living Through the Ghost Chapter 5A & 5B

Chapter 5A

Three days later

Ali stood on the front steps of Clare's house waiting for someone to answer the door. She had gotten the news about Eli and Clare from Jake and from what it sounded like Clare was a mess.

As she stood there waiting and silently hating Eli the door opened and a somber looking Jake greeted her, "it's not good," he stated worry in his voice.

Ali swallowed hard and walked into the house, "she still in her room?" Ali asked taking off her jacket as Jake closed the door behind her.

"Ya, she won't talk to anyone about any of it and it's like she lost more than just Eli you know," Jake explained shrugging and looking up the stairs.

Ali nodded, "well, the best friend is on the case," she said walking up the stairs towards Clare's room.

Jake watched her go up the stairs and he sighed heavily, hoping that Ali could put some life back in to Clare; even if it was only temporary.

Ali walked into Clare's room and couldn't believe what she was seeing. Instead of moping in bed with a box of tissues Clare was knelt down by her book shelf removing books and vigorously cleaning each book and each shelf. Ali then noticed how clean the room looked, nothing was out of place and the smell of disinfectant and cleaning supplies filled the room.

"Clare?" Ali called from the middle of the room

Clare stopped midway through her task at the sound of her name being called.

"I think I need to repaint…what do you think? Maybe a yellow or purple…or maybe I will use wall paper this time," Clare said not turning toward her friend.

"You weren't at school again today, I was starting to think you were deathly ill until Jake called me and told me about E…" Ali began

"I have clothes I need to give away, or throw out. My closet is filled to the rim, with things I don't wear," Clare interrupted not wanting to talk about Eli.

Ali got the hint and changed the subject, "do you want to get something to eat or go shopping?"

Clare stood up and turned towards her friend, her appearance worried Ali even more. Her eyes were puffy and red, like she had been crying for three days straight, dark circles from no sleep surrounded her once sparkling blue eyes and her complexion was paler then usual.

"No thank-you, I don't feel like going out anywhere," Clare replied softly

"Clare you can't just lock yourself in your room…lets go and drown ourselves in ice cream or spend money we don't have," Ali suggested.

Clare turned and went back to cleaning her bookshelf. Ali watched Clare, defeated about how to further help her friend. Jake walked in to the room and looked over to Ali who shook her head silently letting him know that she had failed in helping.

"Hey, Clare why don't I make you something to eat. You haven't eaten anything since yesterday sometime," Jake proposed

When Clare didn't reply he signaled to Ali to follow him into the hallway.

"So, now what?" Jake asked at a loss for what to do to help Clare.

"I honestly don't know," Ali shrugged concerned about how this breakup was affecting Clare.

Chapter 5B

Clare opened the doors to Degrassi High and stepped inside. She looked around her at the slow motion images of her fellow schoolmates talking, laughing and kissing and she swallowed hard. She timidly began her way down the hallway towards her locker and with every person she passed she could have sworn they were staring right through her. Like each individual could sense her pain, loss, anger and humiliation.

Clare sighed in relief as she made it to her locker and carefully opened it up, that's when she saw it…the picture of her and Eli that Ali had taken a couple of weeks ago. She bit her lip and held back her tears as she stared at the picture, her hands began to shake and her heart felt like it was about to burst. Jake had told her that he heard from Adam that Eli had left for New York like planned. It killed Clare that he didn't even say goodbye, but she guessed he had already said all he had to when he broke up with her. She quickly shook off her emotions and tossed the picture in the nearby trash can.

"Clare!" Katie called walking towards her

"Hey Katie," Clare greeted softly

"Jake told me, you were coming back today," Katie mentioned

"Ya, well my mom wasn't going to let me take another day off and my room was making me claustrophobic so…" Clare trailed off, grabbing her books and closing her locker.

"You ready for the news paper meeting today. I promise I will make it short and sweet," Katie said changing the subject

"Ya, sounds good," Clare replied her voice drenched in disinterest

Katie knew not to take it personally, Clare was hurting and talking about what article needed to be on page 8B of the Degrassi Daily wasn't what was on Clare's mind at the moment. Katie knew from personal experience that Clare just wanted to get through the day without hearing his name, seeing his picture, or remembering everything that made them 'them.'

Katie and Clare made it into the newsroom and sat at the small table in the middle of the room.

Katie went through her papers and stood up, "ok this isn't going to be a long meeting, we just have a few points to cover. I need to remind everybody that due dates are final and that means pictures need to be done and submitted when the story is due…" Katie began putting on her news director pants and going full force.

Clare sat there trying to focus but her mind wondered to the night that she thought cemented her and Eli forever…

_"So, I guess now will be the time to ask you to prom," Eli joked breaking the content silence that hung in the room._

_Clare giggled, "I suppose I can go with you," she replied back_

_Eli caressed her hand softly and thought for a moment, "Clare, promise me something," he began_

_"ya," she said softly_

_"that no matter what, you won't forget this moment. That whatever happens you remember how much I love you right now," he stated seriously_

"Then that brings us to our final item on today's agenda, Simpson wants us to find a way to promote the Ice Hounds in a 'better light.' He wants us to find a way to put together some sort of project that helps our school spirit and also can be used as good way to bring in donations in to the school. So…if you have any ideas please, bring them to me and I will approve one. Any questions?" Katie asked as Clare snapped out of her flashback and clued back in to the present.

"No, no one…ok then meeting adjurned," Katie said grabbing her papers and walking from the table to her small director's table in the room. Everyone else hurried out of the room to make it to their first period classes while, Clare stayed behind and went up to Katie getting an idea.

"Hey Katie," Clare began

"That meeting went no where, I don't anyone even paid any attention whatsoever," Katie said not looking up from the stories on her desk.

"I was thinking about that Fundraiser idea that Simpson wants ask to come up with," Clare continued

"Ya, what is that about; like we don't have enough to do we have find a way to 'promote' those losers," Katie interrupted again still focused on her work.

"I actually thought I could take the reigns on this project," Clare stated

Katie looked up at Clare and thought about it for a moment, "you have an idea?" she asked now fully invested in the conversation.

"Well…a small one, what if we put together a magazine focusing on the each player. We could have their stats, and a profile on each guy. They have those for like the NHL and everything it could be a way to 'promote' the hockey players as more then just athletes We could ask them about books, hobbies, family etc." Clare explained

"hmmm…I am liking it and I doubt I will get any good ideas from the others, so ya…lets do it. Do you want me to put together a team to help you?" Katie asked standing up and going over to the computer table behind Clare.

Clare followed behind Katie, "well I was thinking…maybe I could do this on my own. I mean, I will follow up with you of course with deadlines and make sure it is known that this is a Degrassi Daily project and everything," Clare explained as Katie looked on the computer and turned back around to Clare.

"Clare that's a lot of work for one person. I mean there's the layout, interviews, pictures and then the whole fundraising aspect," Katie said facing Clare and reminding her how much work would be involved in this project.

"Ya, I mean I know…I just….it will be good for my portfolio and right now I feel if I don't focus on something other than…I just need a project to my mind off of things," Clare admitted sadly

Katie understood how Clare was feeling and sighed unsure if throwing all this work on Clare was such a good idea.

"Ok, but if you need any help and if I see you are having trouble I will step in," Katie said giving Clare permission to take full reigns on the project.

"Here is the list of all the players and their schedule so you can set up interviews," Katie said handing Clare a bunch of papers.

"Thanks," Clare said softly appreciating her friend giving her this task.

"Clare, take it easy ok," Katie said sincerely then moved back to her desk

Clare nodded and took a deep breath hoping that this project would be what she needed to recover from her heart break.


	5. Now that you lost tomorrow 6&7

Chapter 6

3 weeks later

Clare sat in the newsroom going over recent interviews with just a handful of the hockey players that she could get to talk to her. Some of them were easy to get answers from and some well…she could always creatively fill in their blanks for the magazine.

As she was looking at some of the profile photos she had taken and contemplating redoing one or two there was a knock at the door, "Katie isn't here now," she said not looking up from her work.

"Oh…I was actually here to see you, I guess…coach said something about an interview type thing," came the voice of a young man

Clare looked up to see Luke Baker standing at the door, "oh, right yes…ummm…come in," Clare said trying to clean off the table a bit so he could sit across from her.

Luke walked in and took a seat at the table and watched as Clare frantically grabbed her question sheet and got ready.

"Listen, how long is this going to take because I am missing practice," Luke stated not really wanting to be there

Clare sat across from him, "well if you co-operate it shouldn't take that long," Clare replied not caring too much for his 'better than anyone attitude.'

"Whatever," Luke said under his breath

Clare rolled her eyes and looked at the question sheet, "ok…your name and position," she asked getting ready to right

"Luke Baker, #18, left winger,"

"Age?" Clare continued

"Seriously…" Luke stated

Clare just stared at him her eyes indicating his attitude was not getting them anywhere.

"17, 18 in February," he answered

"Ok…ummm…where are you from, originally?"

"Florida."

"Greatest Achievement?" Clare asked turning the page to the other questions

"Winning Division 'A' playoffs last year and being the only goal scorer in the game," Luke replied impressed with himself

Clare looked at him for a moment, "of course it is," she said under her breath

"How about in life? Any achievements that don't involve a puck in a net?" She asked looking at him

Luke was at a loss of how to answer that question, no one ever asked him about stuff beyond hockey before, so he just shrugged.

"Right," Clare continued expecting that type of response

"Hey, do you think we can finish this later. I don't want to miss too much more of practice," Luke said standing up from the chair.

Clare didn't see any point in arguing and shrugged, "sure, I ll be in the cafeteria for lunch in about an hour…we can finish up there," she suggested

"Really…the cafeteria, I usually eat with the team," he replied

"I m sure they will survive without your charming personality for one lunch period," she stated sarcastically

Luke shook his head and turned towards the door and walked out.

Clare slouched against her chair, "that was fun…NOT," she said mocking him under her breath as she continued to read the other interviews she had already gathered.

Chapter 6B

Clare sat at in the cafeteria by herself, tapping her pen and going over more notes and ideas for the Ice Hounds Profile Magazine. She looked up and over at her lunch that was still untouched, she knew she should eat something but, that would mean taking a break from the project…which would make her mind focus on other things, events…people, and she just couldn't afford thinking about him. So she quickly looked back down at her agenda and started making more notes about the layout.

Luke Baker casually walked into the cafeteria and nodded to some girls whispering about how cute he was in the corner. He smiled to some buddies and wave to his team, then his eyes landed on Clare Edwards. Sitting at a table alone, working…again. He sighed knowing he had to get this interview over and walked over to her table and slid in to the bench across from her. Clare looked up, shocked to actually see that he showed up for the rest of the interview.

"You wanted to see me again?" he reminded her with a grin

She rolled her eyes and opened up the folder of interviews and pulled his out, "right…where did we leave off…oh right you were boring me with your greatest achievement,"

"Boring you? Most people would die to know even that much about me," he stated cocky

Clare wasn't moved, "I can tell what makes you and Dallas such great friends. But there has to be more about you then hockey, babes and hockey…oh right, you also like to bully kids during your breaks," Clare stated firmly

Luke rolled his eyes at her tone, " what do you want me to say," he shrugged.

"I want you to be real for once, girls like guys who have more on the mind than sports and other girls," she confided

"Fine, greatest achievement… I once won an art thing," he mumbled

"an art thing?" Clare asked not sure what he was talking about

Luke looked around uncomfortable, "ya…I draw stuff and I won an art appreciation award at my old school," he confessed

"See….was that so hard," Clare said with a grin

"I won it anonymously….I never put my name on it and when they announced the winner and pointed to my artwork I didn't tell them it was mine," he continued

"Why not?" Clare asked

"Why not! Clare, you said it yourself I m into hockey and babes and anything else wouldn't look good on me, ok," he stated firmly

Clare thought about it for a moment, "why did you tell me that then?" she asked

"Because you wanted me to be real so there it is, happy? Can we just continue," he begged

Clare nodded, kind of feeling sorry for Luke, "right umm…hobbies?" she asked

"I don't know music, I like playing on the guitar and art…I guess I like taking pictures," he confessed trying to be honest with her. He didn't know why he felt the need to be honest with Clare, but it came pretty easy to him.

"You like photography?" she asked interested

"Ya, my parents…bought me a camera for my 9th birthday and it's literally my favourite gift I ever received," he replied

"wow…and it wasn't even a hockey stick," she mocked

Luke looked at her for a moment and in an instant they both began to laugh.

The rest of the lunch period was spent as not so much a meeting but, more of a nice conversation between two people and for the first time in a long time Clare's mind didn't wander to thoughts about Eli…that had to be some type of improvement right?

Chapter 7A

One Week Later

Clare was in the newsroom staying late again, she was diving herself into this project and family and friends were becoming concerned that she was letting the project be her escape.

There was a soft knock on the door, Clare looked up to see Jake standing in the door.

"Hey, I already called my mom and told her I was working late. Is everything ok?" she asked wondering what he was doing there.

"Ya, Helen told me you had called," he replied

"Oh…ok, did Katie forget something then?" she asked going back to work

Jake shook his head, "nope."

Clare didn't look up again from her work and this annoyed Jake, "CLARE!" he yelled.

Clare jumped and looked up at him.

Jake walked closer to her at the table, "I get it that this whole project is important to the school or the newspaper and I am fully behind you wanting to do a good job but, I can't take how you are letting it control your life. I know this is some sick way of getting over Eli, but all you are doing is ignoring life in a different way and I M NOT GOING TO STAND BY AND WATCH YOU FALL TO PIECES ANYMORE!" he yelled trying to knock some sense into her.

Clare stood up fast from her desk, "then what would you have me do? I have cried, I have thrown every piece of Eli out of my room, I have slept all day, I have locked myself in my room, I have thought about calling him, I have dialed his number and hung up at the voice mail message, I have done everything to make me feel even the tiniest bit better and nothing has worked…so please, enlighten me about how I should be acting or what I should be doing instead but, if you don't have any real advice then stay out of my way," she said tears welling up in her eyes.

"Clare I don't know what it is you should be doing and you're right, I don't know how much this is hurting you but locking yourself away in this work is just another dead-end. This project will be done soon and then what?" Jake asked his voice calm and sympathetic.

Clare didn't have an answer and she knew deep down he was right, but admitting it would be like telling him that she more than just not all right and she wouldn't even admit that to out loud to herself yet.

Clare stared at Jake for a moment and swallowed hard. Jake nodded sensing that he had gotten through to her a bit he turned to leave the room.

"Has he called you?" she asked stopping him in his tracks

Jake turned back and nodded, "he asked about you? I told him that you were fine, lied I guess," he answered truthfully

A tear fell from her eye, "why hasn't he called me?" she asked hurt

"Clare?" Jake said telling her she already knew the answer to her question.

"I want you to say it, out loud…answer the question, why hasn't he called me?" she asked again

Jake waited a moment, "because he knows he hurt you but, doesn't want to give you false hope by calling you," he answered again truth surround his words.

He looked at her for a moment and turned and walked away leaving Clare standing there, tears falling from her face.

The next morning

Katie walked into the newsroom and saw Clare sleeping at her desk. Katie sighed saddened by the image and walked over and placed a cup of coffee in

front of her, "Clare…" she called softly.

Clare stirred awake and tiredly rubbed her face to wake up. She looked at the table she had awoken from and then up at Katie.

"Please, no lectures on how I am putting too much of myself in to this magazine, or how I should go home and get some rest," Clare stated firmly looking up at Katie

Katie shook her head, "no lectures…I get it," she responded simply taking a sip of her coffee.

"But, as your friend this whole thing…it won't make you feel better in the end," she advised.

Clare didn't say anything just gathered her papers and folders, stood up and walked towards the door. Before leaving she turned around, "I have to try," she stated.

Katie nodded, knowing there was nothing more she could say to make Clare feel better and there was nothing more she could do.

Clare walked in to the now crowded halls towards her locker when she saw Ali walking towards her, "hey, I called and texted you like a million times last night," Ali began.

"I was busy working…" Clare started to reply

"...on the magazine…I know, I know…but while you were working I was having an outfit breakdown and all I am saying as it would have been nice to have my best friend's help," Ali interrupted as the two walked to Clare's locker.

Clare shrugged, "sorry," she said opening her locker.

"Whatever, I will let it go this time. You can make it up to me by coming tonight to the 'Last Dance' event," she urged

Clare looked at her giving her friend a look that indicated her non-interest in the event.

"Come on, it's the last dance of the year besides prom and since we both don't have dates to that…." Ali pleaded and stopped when she realized what she had said.

"Clare I m sorry…I didn't mean," she apologized

"It's ok Ali," Clare said sadly.

"See, this whole thing is just another reason we should go to this dance, lose ourselves it sexy dresses, music, dancing….please, be my date," Ali pleaded again.

Clare sighed, "Ali…" Clare started, "I don't think…"

"PLLLEEEAAASSSEEE," Ali begged again

Clare thought for a moment, although attending a school function especially a dance was not something she felt thrilled about doing. However, attending the event may get her friends and family off her back.

"Fine, I m in," Clare agreed giving in

Ali squealed, "yay...ok, so after school we will go dress shopping, oh we also need shoes and we can get our hair done…so much fun," she rambled as they both walked towards their next class.

TBC


	6. Living Through the Ghost Chapter 8 & 9

Chapter 8

Clare looked at herself in the mirror. She wore a knee-high navy blue dress with sparkling silver heels. She breathed out deeply not looking forward to this dance. There was a knock on her bedroom door, "come in."

Jake opened her door, "hey, Ali is downstairs,"

Clare nodded.

"You look great," he continued

"Ya, well I feel ugly," she said under her breath as she grabbed her purse and moved past Jake and down the stairs.

Jake moved out-of-the-way to let her pass and sighed, he had hoped this dance would help bring the old Clare back but so far no such luck.

Ali and Clare walked in to the now over decorated and loud gym and gave it a once over, "well it looks fun enough," Ali stated. Clare hadn't said more than a few words on the way over, and fact that she didn't want to be there was pretty obvious.

A young guy walked over to both girls and looked at Ali, "hey gorgeous, dance with me," he pushed. Ali smiled and looked over at Clare for some type of permission. Clare smiled and nodded.

Clare stood in the gym watching as everyone danced and laughed and all she could do was wish that she felt the same way they did. Ali was still dancing with the cute guy and she seemed to be enjoying herself. Clare turned towards the door of the gymnasium and walked back into the hallway and looked around not sure where she wanted to go. She began to walk slowly down the darken halls of Degrassi and before she knew it she was standing in the middle of the newsroom. She just stood there her thoughts drifting to where she was and what she had lost. If you had told her a month ago she would feel this way she wouldn't have believed you but, now as she looked around the empty newsroom, her current sanctuary, she felt lost. Then her eyes fell on something sitting on the table in the middle of the room. Clare walked towards the small notebook and picked it up. There was a note on top of it that read, 'if you didn't believe that I do more than play hockey- Luke J.'

She half smiled and opened the notebook carefully and saw the most beautiful pictures she had ever seen. She sat on the table and turned the pages carefully, captivated by the images she saw. She turned the page again and what she saw was not a photo but a drawing that resembled her and she was shocked and at the same time grateful; it had been a long time since someone had made something so beautiful for her and of all people it was Luke Baker.

"See something you like," came a cocky voice from the door of the newsroom

Clare looked up to see Luke leaning against the door and grinning.

"So this is where the cool people hang out during the dances," he continued walking in to the room and looking around

"Don't you have a date you are supposed to be impressing right now," she said sarcastically

Luke smiled, "you mean 'dates' and I saw you come in here and I thought I would say hi," he replied hopping on the table beside her

"Your photos…they are really beautiful," she commented

"Thanks," he stated not used to be complimented on something that wasn't a hockey skill.

"and that drawing or sketch…when…" she began

"ya, it was just something I tried…" he said feeling a bit weird about it

Clare nodded, "it was nice," she finished

Luke nodded and jumped off the table getting ready to leave the room. Before he left though he turned on his heel, "you know, he doesn't deserve your sadness. Besides you look cuter when you smile," he said with a grin and then turned and left the room.

Clare watched him go and thought about what he said, she turned back to the drawing in her hand.

"So what do you think?" a cute brown-haired girl asked Eli.

Eli was more interested in the bottom of his coffee cup then the conversation that was happening between his study group.

"Eli?" the girl asked a bit louder, snapping him out of his thoughts

Eli looked up at everyone at the table and shrugged, "I think…I need more coffee before we work on Act 3," he replied

Everyone laughed as he got up from the table and walked up to the counter and ordered a refill.

As he stood at the counter waiting for his coffee a cute female classmate walked over to him from the table and smiled, "so…I really liked your idea for Act 2- having the butler be the Dr. Jeckly and Dr. Hyde type of character, it was quite inspiring," she began

Eli smiled and nodded, "thanks," he said still waiting for his coffee

"It's kind of hard to believe that your still finishing high school…you have more ideas than most of the second years at that table," she continued

"well it's a great experience to be able to take this take class before actually starting the course and besides it gets me out of the apartment so…" he replied as he took the coffee from the attendant

"Well, maybe you would be up for some fun, a bunch of us are going out tomorrow night, just to chill, some pizza…there's great bands that play at this diner downtown," she said kind of asking him out on a date

"I don't know," he began

"It will be fun and we can…you know get to know each other more…maybe," she continued

"I m just not…sorry…but thanks for asking," he stumbled maneuvering himself around the girl back to his spot at the table.

He took a sip of his coffee as people around him continued to talk about the project his thoughts wandered back to the girl he left back in Toronto. It was like she plastered on his mind: her face, her smile, her hands, her scent. He took another sip of his coffee to shake it off but, it wasn't helping.

Clare walked into her house and was greeted by Jake who sat on the counter stool and turned when he heard the door open.

"Your back already?" he asked noting that she was only gone a little over an hour

Clare looked at him for a moment, "Jake, I know you are trying to help and are worried about me and I love you for that but, please you and Ali and everyone else just needs to stop. Let me be and the more you push, the more I think about him and everything, so I m begging you stop pushing," she spoke honestly

Jake thought for a moment and nodded.

Clare turned and walked up the stairs towards her room.

Jake looked over at his cell phone wondering if he made the right call by telling her Eli had called him looking to speak to her. Jake knew it wasn't fair to make this choice for her but, he couldn't bare seeing her break anymore.

Chapter 9

Katie was busy shooting orders to some fellow classmates as Clare walked into the gym, "hey Katie, I got your text…why did you want to meet in the gym though?" Clare asked walking towards Katie

"Apparently, I am in charge of putting an assembly together. So I decided to kill two birds with one stone. Here hold this," Katie said handing Clare a stack of posters.

"Ok, what's up?" Clare asked

"Well, I saw your draft for the magazine and as much as I think you are amazing at the layout, interview profiles and organization of the project…it's the pictures," Katie stated

"I know they aren't the greatest but, I mean I can redo them it's not a problem,"

"That would have been one solution but I kind of already got you someone to help out," Katie said nervously

"Like Connor?" Clare asked placing the posters on the table

"Connor is busy but, I posted a help wanted message on the Degrassi Daily website and someone else volunteered to take photos and help with the fundraiser aspect of the magazine," Katie continued

"who?" Clare asked

"Hello ladies," came a voice behind them

"You've got to be kidding me," Clare stated realizing it was Luke Baker

"Surprise!" Katie said hoping Clare wasn't too angry

"Luke Baker is going to help me with a school spirit fundraiser?" Clare asked rhetorically not believing what was happening

"He 'Baker' charity is like my middle name…well it's actually Mark but, you know what I mean," Luke replied

"And he is part of the hockey team so it kind of fits and imagine the money we could make if he is selling the magazines. The idea is brilliant and Clare you could use some help," Katie said defending her decision

Clare couldn't believe this, "he is a chauvinist, bully who couldn't care less about this school," Clare stated angrily

"Ouch, those are fighting words," Luke retorted

The two just stood and stared at each other, Clare not liking this new situation one bit.

"Well, I am going to leave you two, to it and I will call you later," Katie said looking at Clare and then quickly removing herself from the situation.

Clare shook her head and was about to leave the gym when Luke stopped her, "wait what's wrong. You told me that my pictures were good,"

Clare turned to face him, "ya, they are… but this is a project for the school and I m sorry but, I don't really want to work with someone who bullies other students and thinks they are more superior than everyone else. I mean did you even apologize to Tristan?" Clare asked putting him on the spot

"Clare, what is your problem?" Luke asked not understanding where this attitude was coming from

"I m sorry but I don't think you should be involved in this project," Clare stated turning and leaving the gym while Luke stood there trying to put together what just happened.

Katie was buzzing around the newsroom checking her storyboard and submissions on her desk, when there was a knock at the door.

Katie turned around to see Luke leaning against the door, "hey can I talk to you," he began.

"No, sorry…you aren't quiting already," Katie stated knowing what he was going to say

"She doesn't want my help and I don't think she really cares for my charming personality either," Luke explained walking into the room

"Clare….Clare doesn't want anyone's help now, you can't take it personally," Katie said posting another story to her board.

"Ya, I just don't think she likes me too much," he said further

"Well it's true you are no prince charming and haven't made the best first impression here but, I think you are just what Clare needs now. So no you aren't quitting and I expect a good product. You may go now," Katie said firmly ending their conversation

Luke slumped his head forward in defeat and walked out of the room. He looked down the hallway and saw Clare putting her books away in her locker and thought about what she had said. As his mind swirled and idea hit him and he smiled as he walked away.


End file.
